Friday, January 28, 2011

Princess Dreams II

There are no diapers allowed at Disneyland, you can't take them in. That was our dedicated, agreed upon rule for Peyton. She had to have no accidents during the day before we can go. It was a long wait... but she made it. Just before Christmas, and with that we planned Disneyland. Last week, we went.

I'm so glad we went when we did, she is just the right age to fulfill the Disneyland dream. She was so excited to begin with. We walked in the park and met Minnie Mouse right away, then we got to see Mickey at his house. She was thrilled and giggly and wanted to see everything all at once. So thrilled to see the castle and the tree house and and and... We were 45 minutes into our first evening and I was exhausted! We found a seat for the fireworks and snuggled in on the ground. She's a BIG fan of fireworks anyway. Lots of oohs and ahhs. There was great music and plenty of excitement.  Then it happened, a Faerie flew across the sky above us, and Peyton totally lost it.


Any second thoughts, any stress, any exhaustion... all gone. My baby girl believes in magic, in fantasy, in fairies. That's all I've ever wanted for her, to believe in everything. To have a life where she believes nothing bad ever can happen. It made me cry to hear such joy in her voice. I was so happy that she really believes in fairies, princesses, and pirates. She met Cinderella also. And Pluto and Alice.

She had an amazing trip that I'll always cherish if nothing else. She was also an amazing kid. We drove, from Napa to Anaheim is about 9 hours on the road. She was a good kid, read her books, and slept. Ate in restaurants and used her manners. Said please and thank you and ordered for herself most places.

It was a more emotional trip than I would have ever expected. She made me laugh and cry and soo terribly proud of her. I know in 10 years she probably wont remember this trip. I'm so glad we went

Friday, January 21, 2011

Faith is the supplier of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen

Funny thing about Faith. I've always felt my faith came from trust. Trust in God, or a god, or the universe or karma or myself. Or maybe my faith is just that we'll make it through. A friend of mine has a great tattoo that reads "faith is simply a refusal to panic" - This tends to hold true for me. I simply refuse to panic. Usually.

Today has begun a vortex of panic. Today is frantic and ugly. Today I am letting my faith take a backseat. Which is quite unlike me. I will find my faith today. I will finish my panic. I will let this go.

Things will work out. Lyrics always help right?

I'll fly away from it all one day /I'll fly away

These are the days that I will remember/ When my names called on a roll
They'll meet me with two long stem glasses/Make a toast to me coming home

'Cause I heard Jesus, He drank wine/And I bet we'd get along just fine
He could calm a storm and heal the blind/And I bet He'd understand
Understand a heart like mine, oh yes, He would
-Miranda Lambert, "Heart Like Mine"

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I want to go home.

Every house where love abides
And friendship is a guest,
Is surely home, and home sweet home
For there the heart can rest.
- Henry Van Dyke -

This quote was posted by Porter Hovey at Kissssing - A Love Blog 

I had this thought last night as I was attempting to sleep on the couch. Yes in the house I'm living in, my thought was "I want to go home". Then it occurred to me, that at that very moment, home was something I didn't have.  I do have a roof over my head, and food in the fridge. Peyton has her room, but the place we sleep stopped feeling like home.

Which is good in someways. We are moving. If the housing deal ever goes through, and we can fill out the paperwork correctly to get us a proper loan so we can move. I think I've decided to screw the loan. I can always refinance, this is what Papa Joe had in mind for the funds he put aside, right? A home.

I want a place where people feel welcome, I want to be the hostess. I want to lay down at night and not be concerned. I know I will always find something to worry about, but a few less things may be nice.

I started sketching my idea of home. Did a floor layout of the new house and wrote feelings, actions, and colors. Thing that evoke emotion. Maybe I'll sneak in some time to upload by kitchy little drawing and share. ( I tend to be bad at that)

Draw your house, or apartment or dorm, or favorite place. Draw and write and color what goes on there. I think you'll be surprised what you feel, or what to feel about your space.

Monday, January 10, 2011

The Chesire Cat is in my Head

I keep trying to write here. And on paper and all sorts of other ways. I keep trying to make clear concise thoughts and put them down on paper.

I can't every attempt at a post springs 3 more. Every train of thought leads to 4 tangents and very unclear ramblings. I may break down and just post these, but I feel like I'm talking in circles. Like the Chesire Cat is in my head. It goes something like this:

Oh, by the way, if you'd really like to know, he went that way.
Who did?
The White Rabbit.
He did? He did what?
Went that way.
Who did?
The White Rabbit.
What rabbit?
But didn't you just say - I mean - Oh, dear.
Can you stand on your head?

I'm hoping to focus an unwind and disappear. We're heading for Disneyland in 6 Days. I love traveling with my mom. It should help clear my head and knock out the dust. I may sneak off today and find a beautiful new notebook. something to take with me, something to doodle and write and draw and find the corners and random musings and get rid of the mess.

PS: I love the journalling world - I had just finished this post when one of my very favorite blogs posted this: Maybe I have a Vampire to slay before I can think clearly.