Fantastic Futile Friendly Famous Friday

Today has been an odd day of sorts. Many things are going on and one very important thing hasnt been going on. Peyton has not been sleeping through the night. Up once or twice every night this week. She was on such a great roll before that too! If she wont potty train the very very least she could do is sleep for me. But in the end she is just as ornery as I was once. (and maybe still am)

I've got a penpal again. I forget how much I miss him when we lose touch. He's got this pain I want so bad to heal; at the same time can strip me down to nothing. He sees a part of me no one else including me does and I never quite know how to deal with him. I don't know how to let myself let him in, but I am trying.

I wrote him a letter, pen to paper, put a stamp on it letter. I think everyone should write letters, all the time. Lots and lots of letters. They brighten many days and getting any mail is a little fun.

I want to start him a book. Get a moleskin and dedicate it to him, mail it out when we're done. Has anyone made someone else a book? What kind of things do you put in it. We're really close but very rarely see each other - living 3 states apart. I'd love any suggestions anyone can offer!

Mama Pain

Today is a day of Mama Pain. I'm tired today and a bit cranky. And the fact the our building is packed with sulfur dioxide is not helping my chipper mood. And it may not be quite so bad if it weren't for the tunnel we're in already. My family is in the rabbit hole. And we've tumbled past the confusion and been led by the chesire cat... and now we're standing court with the vicious queen of hearts and things are falling apart.



I want to wake up, but alas I am not alseep under the tree. Nor is the queen the queen and king the king.  The King is hope, faith, and strength. The King is the only thing keeping us from being completely overwhelmed and attacked by the Queen. The Queen is Cancer.


Cancer has now stricken 3 relatives at once. 2 more have died in the last 5 years and there were several before that. All of these people are under the realm of my Papa Joe. Papa Joe is one of the strongest people I know. He's been through soo much pain and is still chipper and warm. Still travels and is one hell of a Octogenarian.

That story attributed to Mother Teresa - "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." This is my picture of my Papa, such a strong man that didn't ask for any of this. Never watned the responsibilities, but as the patriarch of 4 generations he takes this obligation with a chin held high and the power of hundreds.

Because of this, of the evil queen and the faith that controls her reign. Because Papa Joe deserves less anguish in his life. Because I've been lacking sleep and peace and solace. Because of every little thing thats been pricking me today, I have a case of Mama pain. Of wanting a place for my child that doesn't hurt so bad.

Incase I thought I might become uninspired

I've been on a great roll. Really putting so many things on paper and it seems to be helping to relieve the things I carry around. Mentally, anyway my purse has recently gotten considerably heavier.

As I continue to commit myself to these projects and the journey I'm on I seem to have more and more inspiration piled into my world. Some are new a few great blogs, some new supplies, and a I've been hollowing out a little me time. ooh and the September issue of Vogue just came out (also known as the bible).

Others are things that I can't help but wonder if I've just not been looking hard enough. Things like the cut foil off the top of a wine bottle, that perfect round circle. I have started collecting them and certainly see a work inspired page in my future. I've stopped getting mad at the dog for tearing up her toys, because I can steal the frayed edges and little bits of fabric. Frosting smears worked well after making cupcakes Saturday. Chunks of crayon, Peyton's messy paint hands, lace as a texture stencil, candy wrapper chains (I don't think I'd made one in 10 years), nail polish, nail polish remover, makeup sponges, cotton balls, and a dozen other things that I have around for no particular reason that have found a new purpose.

Yay!

Bursting at the seams

I now have 6, yes SIX journals going. The girl who couldnt find where to get her start back into journaling now has 6.
I've had my paper text only journal for years. That has scribblings and characters drawn in. I started one, just a simple one with easy pictures and lists on comments. Pretty colors, pretty magazine cutouts, pretty letters. Inspiration and things that make me happy. Then I had a bad day. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And this very bad day was going to muck up my happy little art journal. So I started a new one. with blue and black paint and sharpies and bad words in the journalling. That has become my angry ranting journal. Which feels good it all gets poured out in a single place, and then hid under the bed.
The other 3 are virtual. Here and two others. Livejournal is still my happy place. It has the best communities and the most to focus on. Even though Christopher never ever posts anymore. This is new, and is my secret fort - my hideout. Hopefully new people and new communities will change that.

I think I'm more relaxed now that I'm finding an outlet for everything going on. Bad days and good days go in separate places on paper.

It has had its challenges. Like trying to explain to a 3 year old why she has to draw on her own page. But it has given me an excuse to let her paint in the kitchen. <-- thank the lord for crayola washables (that child can make quite a mess.)